It’s the friendship part that’s hard

Hopefully you said ‘I do’ to the person you want to spend every day of your life with. But maybe, as time went on, you started to wonder what happened to that friend? Are they still your friend? Was it Hollywood sensualism, sexism, social media, romance novel heroes and heroines, or porn stars that threw the relationship sideways?

Today’s marriage mostly likely started with  thrills, chills, and excitement that is expected to grow into true friendship. We think this person is that true friend, then…oops. Did we get it wrong? Did they get it wrong? Whatever the answer, it really hurts. Then, sometimes, they are that very special, life-long friend. 

It may surprise many that in the days of arranged marriages, many matches ended in loving happiness. It started out with predetermined expectations and respect for each other’s roles in this arrangement. Trust, support and loyalty were expectations that the couple could be confident about. The confidence in those expectations evolved into a caring relationship, that ended in love. According to -marriages in the US divorce rates hover at 40 to 50-%. In the same article it states that as of September 2022 “In India, where some estimate that 90% of marriages are arranged, the divorce rate is only 1%. ”  Of course, that’s not to say that all arranged marriages were happy. Like today  there were friendless marriages. And, like today, reasons for staying together included staying together for the kids. 

However, if you think about it, there are arranged marriages in the United States as well. They just appear different. Dating apps match you with another person from your list of expectations. Problem is…are those pictures filtered? Are they lying on the application? Again, it comes down to trust and roles/expectations.

Let’s face it, being a true friend is hard work in all cases, married or not. That is the challenge. A true friend will support you, advise you, warn you, encourage you. A true friend is one you can trust with your life –past, present, and future. Together, you may have the most precious gift from God – a child, and your true friend accepts this responsibility to help raise and protect this child with their lives … as you will. This true friend believes in you and wants you to succeed. This person would NEVER hurt you intentionally. They would kill the proverbial dinosaur rather than be one.

Hopefully, the hubby does anything he can to protect you and would try to give you the world if you wanted it. And, to on the other side,  the wife doesn’t mind putting the seat down or picking up his undies if it means being wrapped in his arms for an eternity. Being a true friend to your spouse takes patience, kindness and work. So, if you didn’t marry this kind of person, you did not marry a true friend.

In other words, maybe a life couple should be true friends first … then lovers which is why I wrote Love Backwards. It started out from my love for Ancient Rome and their arranged marriages. I thought…would that work today?  Steve and Allyson confront their attraction…well…backwards. Friends first…and wonder will love happen?  Find out in Love Backwards. It was fun writing this jaunt in  the world of relationship and possibilities.

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