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Okay, I've had it. I' tired of people not taking me serious about my writing. I am trying to get published. I write everyday for as long as the muse allows. I read articles upon articles on writing, attend writing conferences, etc...ad nausium.
I have a place to write with a computer on a wonderfully cluttered desk covered with notes, dictionaries, thesaurus. My printer is busy printing off queries, articles, and manuscripts. So, why oh why, can't people take me serious?
"Come over. You're not doing anything."
"Come pick me up. You're not doing anything."
"You're home all the time. Just call. You're got doing anything."
Arrrrugh! I am too doing something! I'm trying to achieve a dream that at times seems so impossible. I want to scream, pound fists, or cry. Why don't they understand or believe me? Sure they say, go for it and then ask me to stop the presses to fetch their laundry. "You can do it. But first, will you..."
But then, I thought just how seriously do I take myself? How determined am I to make this dream come true? Yes, I want to help family and friends, to feel needed, helpful, and important. Yes, I want to do lunch. Yes, I want to escape and go shopping. Yes, I want to help, but I can't just take off work and go do this or that. I'm working just like everyone else who has a boss. The problem is I am the boss. It's up to me to say no. That's the rub.
So, once I take myself seriously and make it obvious to everyone else. maybe oh maybe, they will believe me. Maybe they will begin to see that I am-on the job-working. Maybe then, they will understand my incessant chatter is work related and not grin patiently at me. Maybe then, they will begin to see that they can help make my dream come true.
We as writers and dreamers have to believe in and stand up for our dreams.We can turn these impeding obstacles into understanding cheerleaders.
(printed in MARA newsletter)
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'Softly,' 'gently', 'suddenly,' and 'only' are but a few of my adverbial darlings. Oh, how I love these sweetmeats. But, writing manuals instruct writers to kill these darlings. At first, I just didn't understand what was wrong with them. Why, honestly, I don't overly use them. Truly, I don't. I sincerely mean, I only use them just when they are absolutely, undeniably necessary to perfectly clarify what I mean. For example, "He only said softly, gently, and suddenly that I love you."
I didn't realize my adverbial addiction until I discovered my 'Find' tool on my Windows/Word program. I inserted 'ly' and then learned I truly did abuse these darling adverbs over and over and over again and again! The same adverb! That?s when I began killing my darlings.
By putting 'ly' in the Find box and releasing the program on its quest for adverbs, did I begin to see why this execution was necessary. Of course, the program found 'family' (a no counter) or 'flying' (another no counter), but the rest of my darlings popped up like spring dandelions.
As the manuals said, adverbs do weaken a narrative and that dialogue can sound stronger without most adverbial crutches. Obviously, 'he said softly could become 'he whispered' or simply 'he said, his breath whispering in her ear.'
Some of my darlings did make me grin after I thought about them. 'He growled menacingly' or 'He smiled happily'. I had to laugh or cry because these were so redundant.
I am now gun shy about typing these darlings into a sentence after deleting a page worth of these darlings or flinch at the thought or sound of one. Furthermore, I don't even read the same now.
But, people use these darlings in conversations, which explains why the darlings come so naturally. So, it's realistic to leave them in dialogue but carefully. I recommend that you try this 'Find' tool and check foryour adverbial darlings. You can even use this tool for ''ing'' and 'was' to find passive darlings as well.
Give it a shot. I bet you will be surprised with what you find.
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When I taught school, the one night of my year that I somewhat miss is Parents' Night. I met the parents and shook their hands like an espionage spy. They had no clue, that I was learning a lot about them. For example, I found out from just shaking hands with my parents who not to call because it wouldn't?t matter. I did call anyway and found I usually didn't need to bother. Or I learned who to call. I even learned something about my husband who used the power handshake. Used. He didn't realize this in himself and corrected the matter. All this and more was garnered by the proverbial handshake.
According to The Secret Language of Success by David Lewis (By the way, it is a great book on nonverbal communication.), the handshake comes from the approach to prove you come unarmed or weaponless. Since the right hand was the expected weapon hand, it was presented to show your intentions. In Roman times, men gripped forearms to prove nothing was stashed there. Over time, the handshake became the 'seal a deal' method likely because literacy wasn't that great and an 'X' on the document and handshake made the deal. Even today a handshake agreement still has its impression. If we made an agreement and shook hands on it and then I broke my end of the deal, what comes first to your mind. But, we shook on it? It's a powerful tool still today.
What fascinates me about handshakes is the wide variety and what they tell about a person. The perfect, basic handshake is very simple. Keep your hand dry and apply moderate pressure, hold for about six seconds, have full contact with the palm, and cast a sincere glance to the person. Sounds simple but add a little stress and bingo. You have character.
There are uncomfortable handshakes,dirty, torn nails, infectious cuticles, soggy palms, pillowy soft, weak hands. A business man's handshake may be firm but soft skinned. A hard callused hand could indicate a laborer like a mechanic whose hands are stained with grease. A musician's hands my not be callused in the palm except on the finger tips. Not only that, but their fingers are very strong.
But, it's not just how the hand feels in your palm but more importantly it's how the person uses it. Anxiety causes a moist handshake. So, the nervous person usually shakes your hand quickly and lets go as if burned.There is the vice-grip handshake-the bone crusher. Big brothers and some fathers and corporate heads use this as a sign of power over another person, bringing their victim to submission.
The opposite is found usually in women the nothing handshake. No grip at all! Meaning no commitment at all. I had a few mothers use this one. And another handshake common to women is allow you to grip only their fingers, implying you may kiss my hand. Now, be cautious of this one. It could mean you both reached and gripped too quickly. It may have been proper in ancient history for a woman to greet a man in such manner but not today. A woman who wants to be successful can not use this handshake. I found this more in my female students and had to teach them how shake hands with confidence to make a better impression.
Contact in a handshake can be quirky. He who lets go first, submits. He who lasts longer wins. So, the release needs to be mutual. This is a hard judgment call. Eye contact is the release button here. However, in the quick, sweaty, nervous, or wimpy, feminine handshake could mean 'Iwant out of this engagement and fast!' Or,matters may turn into a domination game where neither handshaker will let go and submit. They just stand there, talking and shaking hands.
There's the I Am God hand shake or the power handshake. When this happens, the two individuals shake hands, one turning the other?s hand UNDER his. This is typical for corporate heads, male or female. He whose hand turns over to the floor, loses. Think wrestling here.
Then there is the office wimp with the submissive handshake.As he greets you, his/her hand reaches out with the back of his/her hand already facing the floor like a dog rolling over on his back. Instant total submission.
And there is the powder puff handshake. Their hand fits into your palm perfectly except the palms never meet. A gap is left between palms the size of a powder puff, indicating usually that this person is withholding until they are confident that all is well. Sales people use this often.
The over-zealous salesperson may not only grips your hand fully but grabs the back of your hand with his other hand. This is called The glove. You are mine, kind of thing. Politicians, sales people, and ministers like this one. Now, watch the second hand and how far up from the hand this hand may travel. The further up your arm means the more intimate this person wants to be. This is not good first time handshake.
So, keep your handshake full bodied where the palms meet, thumbs join, the grip is comfortable, the release is simultaneous, and hands remain vertical. The second hand if used it should be a light touch. Now, go out and shake hands with people and find out how interesting this gesture is. It's fun. Enjoy.
Lewis David. The Secret Language of Success. New York, Carrol & Graf Publishers, 1989. ISBN 0-88184-
(Appeared in RWA-MARA Newsletter)
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